Why do you want to live in Japan?

I decided I wanted to start blogging again.
I always say this but I'm going to try to stick to it this time, mainly because I am going to be leaving to country soon.
Things are looking like I did get a job with Amity (A children's school in Japan for teaching English) and I will write about that probably in a next post. However I think this is the best way to stay in touch with people as I wont have time to talk to everyone all the time.

So on that note, I wanted to answer once and for all the reason I want to live in Japan. I feel like this is always something I have been defending ever since I was young. So, this is me, going on the record and explaining to the world (aka small amount of people who will read this), once and for all the reason I want to go to Japan. I think a lot of people are genuinely curious, and I think some people are skeptical, so here it is.

First of all before you all start getting ready to roll your eyes, I'm not going to give reasons like "I was supposed to be Japanese," or anything like that.

The main reason why, in short - I feel more comfortable there.
Now, this doesn't really explain why I liked it when I was younger/before I had been there.

I am from a small town as many of you reading this might already know, and different cultures were things that I only got to learn about from afar. We were pretty isolated from the rest of the world in my small logging town. When I was in grade 4 or 5, some people might remember there was a Japanese teacher at my school for a short time and she would teach us little things about Japan. At this time I already had some interest in Japan, because of some stuff I had learned in Girl Guides. I don't think that any other country sparked my interest as much as Japan did.

Anyways, I got older and entered high school I got into Japanese pop-culture. You know, Anime, Japanese music, Japanese dramas and Movies, all of that kind of stuff. At this time I can very shamelessly say I was naive to Japanese culture. However, I had a very strong desire to learn more and more. I liked the pop-culture because pop-culture is fun and it's not rare to meet people here in Canada that are into pop-culture. Especially anime. However for me it was always just a small part of Japan to me... it almost felt as if it was detached from the actual culture of Japan itself. Well not the music and TV as much but definitely the Anime aspect. I think it's because of the popularity of it in Canada and other western countries, it has almost become something totally different than what it is in Japan. I think it's really cool, it's become so big and a lot of people love it but don't even have a huge interest in Japan. I think that's really cool, seriously. ANYWAYS.

So. My point is, I had a strive to learn more about just the culture in general. Not just the geisha and the samurai, I wanted to know what everyday people my age did. It was at this time that I made a lot of penpals and spent a number of years writing letters back and forth, exchanging pictures and souvenirs, etc.

Studying about Japan and learning Japanese brought me happiness in my very unhappy life. I wont go into details about that but I think in short form I can say part of the reason I was not happy because I was not totally comfortable in the culture that I live in. I feel awkward and I often don't know how to talk to the people around me. Don't get me wrong. As much as I say I hate Canada, I really don't. I love Canada and I use every opportunity to tell my friends and others I meet in Japan about how wonderful it is and how they should come here because it is so beautiful and amazing. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds though... I just don't belong here.

I got to learn about Japan more in University, and I have now been there 4 times. One of those times was a 4 month long exchange program where I got to live with a host-family. I was going through some really insanely awful things that were happening back home during that time, and I was still able to have the time of my life. Japan brings out the best in me, because I can feel confident in myself.

I am the last person that will talk about how perfect Japan is. It's not. Japan is awful sometimes. There are things about Japanese culture that I think could be different. However, the things that bug me about Japanese culture, are not nearly as bad as the things that bug me about Canadian culture. Japanese culture just makes sense to me, I feel comfortable, and I like their society-based way of thinking.

I'm really tired of people telling me that I'm just in "Honey-moon" phase. That when I live there for a long period of time I will change my mind or something. Like I'm just a dazed fan girl, who thinks Japan is super Kawaii or something like that. No. If you have read this and still think that, then I hope you feel like an idiot when I leave Canada and happily never come back.

Japan is where my life is. My friends, my amazing host-family, the food I like, the shopping I like, the life-style I enjoy, etc etc
What do I have to lose in Canada? All of my friends will be graduating and going their own ways anyway. My brother and sister already live far away and I haven't lived with my parents for 4 years. I don't feel sad thinking about things I'm going to miss back home because I don't get homesick. I never have. Not even when I was like 5 years old and would go to my grandparents house for a week.

I like to do things in Japan that everyday Japanese people like to do. I'm not excited to go there because life is going to all of a sudden get better, my depression will magically disappear and the sun shine coming out of my ass, no, that's not what I think!
I'm going to go to Japan and live my life in a way that I feel is comfortable. I will finally be able to feel like I am at home. I won't miss Canada because Canada has never been my home. I'll miss my friends and my family, but no more then I normally would, and with social media, it is so easy to stay in-contact, and I will be coming back for visits.

I'm going to have hard days, but not because I am in Japan. I'm going to have hard days because sometimes life sucks!

Everything I have done in my life up until now was to get to this point.
I don't want to be a silly, ignorant foreigner in Japan, who goes there in hopes of having all their dreams come true and find true happiness, for the soul reason that, It's Japan and that's what Japan is supposed to do because it's so exotic and amazing and unique and better. No. That is not what this is about.
I don't need Japan to be happy, and I don't think Japan is the best country on this planet.
I feel like it's my home, and I'd like to finally go home.

Thank you if you read all of this.

Love xo
M